By Christian Cintron, Hollywood Staff
In this week's episode of Real Housewives of New York City, the ladies head to the Hamptons to celebrate Sonja Morgan's cabaret burlesque poetry slam. When did doing improvised poetry in lingerie become an art form? More importantly, when did Sonja become J.P. Craigslist? She hires an entire free labor squad of teenagers. Hopefully they are film students and can document her madness in Grey Gardens II: The Wrath of Cans.
Aviva Drescher is fighting with Carole Radziwill over whose book is most worthy of the bargain bin. Heather Thomson will remind anyone who will listen that she used to work for P. Diddy. Meanwhile, this season's editors are the shadiest in Housewife history. Exiled housewife LuAnn Desperate for Cash Lesseps keeps getting called a drag queen within tongue-in-cheek edits. And Ramona Singer, a.k.a. Eye-lander the Last Original Wife, is in Africa delivering Pinto Grigio to starving children.
The ladies go to a barbeque at LuAnn's house. It's nice of them to keep her on the show since she lost her Jitney bus pass in her divorce and is hardly in the city. Aviva's "friend" and "image consultant," Amanda Sanders, tags along. Is she yet another woman Harry Dubin has slept with? Why is she there? She mentions decking Heather, and Heather gets into her face (let's applaud her for that). She's prepping for the release of her rap album under the name DJ Heather Tho. Her first single "Shove It In Yo Spanx" features lyrics like the following...
I'm chillin in the city and I'm Heather ThoMy Yummy Yummy Spanx will fix your camel toe. Holla!
Sadly, this is not the case...
Heather wants Amanda out, but the drunk girl insists on being inserted into Aviva and Carole's quiet discussion. Doesn't she realize their conversation is so boring that the camera crew has submitted to filming LuAnn serve cake? Plus, let's face it: Bookgate is a little ridiculous. Even though Carole probably had some significant help in writing her book, she was highly condescending to Aviva. On the other hand, Aviva came out of left field with her book deal and was doling out hearsay on reality television. Even if Carole's books are copies of Fifty Shades of Grey with her name written on them in crayon, it's a capital crime in reality TV to air out dirty laundry on television... at least without saying allegedly a lot.
Things get weird fast. A drunk Sonja is dancing around the table and claims to have peed. Her poor interns sit there knowing they'll have to clean her. Meanwhile, a conversation between Heather and Aviva escalates as Aviva's mild-mannered husband Reid randomly chimes in. Correction: yells in. NeNe Leakes may want to talk to him about entering women's business. Apparently, he was witness to "multiple sources" talking about Carole's book. He also said she was fat and had no friends and shops at Ross Dress for Less, so he may not be reliable. Aviva, Reid, and Amanda yell at Heather until she decides to ride dirty, delivering a cuss-filled tirade to Aviva. The entire cast treats Heather like some sort of gangster; she worked for Diddy and Beyonce's luxury clothing line, but they are acting like she shot Tupac. (Racism, anyone?) LuAnn asks everyone to leave because she has a lot of not-starring-on-the-show to do in the morning.