« Humor

And finally today....

by Otto Man

As usual, Otto's comments in bold... 

“A 69-year-old man had lived in the U.S. for about 30 years when he fell into a coma. When he woke up, he found himself in his native country of Poland! The New Jersey man is an immigrant and was deported by U.S. hospitals that don't want to get stuck paying for their treatment. It's called "medical repatriation". The man was put on a chartered flight while still unconscious. He never gave consent to be shipped to a hospital in a country where he hadn't lived in for decades. A hospital spokesman claimed the man was told about his discharge plan... but he was still in a coma when he was shipped off. Now that he's in Poland, he can't verbally communicate with hospital staff. He's also estranged from his two daughters, who live there. No word on if he'll ever come back to the U.S.” More

The greatest excuse in the world: "We told him!" "Was still he in the coma at the time?" "...ummm... errr.... maybe" And that's the ultimate "WOW... how long was I out?" moment. 

“New Orleans firefighters save a man who was stuck under a one ton concrete slab that had fallen on him while he was going pee. The man had stopped to pee on a fence when the huge slab of concrete fell on him and pinned his legs to the ground.  A passerby heard his cries for help and called 911. Firefighters used airbags to get the slab 18 inches off the ground and then slid the man out. It took about 45 minutes, but the man was freed and only suffered a broken ankle.” More


I'm glad the guys ok so we can laugh about it.... 

“A Boston robber who snatched a woman's wallet in a schoolyard was easily caught by police after he left his birth certificate and a note from his mother at the scene of the crime. The 26-year-old thief grabbed the woman's clutch wallet, which contained her ID and $40 in cash.  In the process of robbing her, the suspect managed to drop two bags he was carrying, which contained clothes, hygiene products and a pair of sneakers. At the top of his bag was his birth certificate, and a letter to him from his mother. Police picked him up a block away from where the robbery took place, and he's been charged with unarmed robbery.” More

All I could think of... (Beware some NSFW language) 


“Cops in Sarasota, FL caught a man stealing a lawnmower because he was dragging it behind his bicycle. A neighbor saw the 53-year-old walk inside someone's carport and walk back out, pushing a lawnmower.  He tied the mower to his bike with a string and took off. The cops caught him a short time later and got the mower back to the owner.” More

OH FLORIDA! 

“An Arizona man was found driving on a suspended license with a blood alcohol level nearly four times the legal limit. The 36-year-old was pulled over after an officer witnessed him driving about 5 miles per hour and swerving from lane to lane.  He did not have his hands on the wheel and eventually hit a guard rail. A cop had to knock on the driver's side window before the man realized that an officer had even stopped him. Officers then had to remove him from the car because he couldn't get out of the vehicle by himself. An open bottle of vodka was found within arm's reach of the driver's seat, and the man's blood-alcohol content was 0.377 percent, several times over the legal limit of 0.08 percent. The man also had two prior DUI convictions, and is facing a number of new charges, including extreme DUI.” More

And todays "Honorary Wisconsinite" award... 

“A couple in Pennsylvania were getting it on at a public park when a pack of 25 police officers rode up on them. The officers were participating in a bicycle school for cops. The police had passed by kids on swings and people on the tennis courts before spotting the couple on the bench beside the baseball diamond, "banging away" at 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Police don't believe it was a prostitution-type encounter, but the man and the women were both charged with open lewdness and disorderly conduct.” More

And todays: "Story sounds great until you get to the mug shot". It is however nice to see what Honey Boo-boo's mom is doing on her off days... 

“A homeless man was hospitalized after cutting off his penis. Cops in Ohio were called and found the man with his hands and gym shorts covered in blood. He told officers that he had just cut his penis off.  He said he tried to use an old rusty saw, but he used a broke bottle when the saw didn't work. The man told police that "Busch (beer) made me do it." The man's penis was found lying on the train tracks nearby. The man is in the hospital, and a mental evaluation request was also made.” More

YOWZA! Tad more detail that I needed for the story. And as someone who's had plenty of Busch beer in his time... yeah, not Busch's fault here man. 

“A 31-year-old man who goes by the alias "Batman," was arrested on burglary charges. A Florida homeowner man told deputies he came home from work to find his $1,500 flat screen TV, Playstation 3 and collectible action figures missing. The victim also offered a cash reward to a homeless man who led him to the missing TV in an apartment.  The owner of the apartment told deputies he was riding his bike when "Batman" came up to him and offered to sell the T.V. for $200. Deputies say the homeless man identified the robber as one of the men that brought the TV to the apartment by "a large tattoo of a bat on his forehead." Police records show at least 13 previous arrests for the man.” More

OH FLORIDA! (Oh to be a fly on the wall for the comedy of the inevitable: "Hey, how does he know that was me? There's lots of dudes with this ink out there!" conversation.  

And finally today... “A 64-year-old Australia man tried to carjack a 24-year-old woman's car but didn't get away because he took too long to load his walker and groceries into the car. He rolled up on the woman in a Kmart parking holding a knife he had just bought inside. She called the cops and they ended up getting there before he could get away in her car. He was still loading his stuff inside when they showed up. The woman wasn't hurt and all of her stuff was given back.” More

Nice to see Australia's gun ban is keeping the streets safe. Though really, if someone using a walker, knife or no, takes something from you, was it really yours to begin with?


HAVE A GOOD ONE FOLKS!