Parker's Wild Blog!

  • I'm Not a Band Wagon Lions Fan. I'm a Band Wagon Pro Football Fan!

    Posted by Parker

    First, Go Lions!  Some people are calling me a band wagon fan just because I never talked about the Lions before they started to do well (Except in hilarious jokes of course)  That is TOTALLY inaccurate!  I think this point is best made by giving you a sample of every conversation I've ever had with a person who asked what my favorite team was.

    Random Idiot:  Who's your NFL team?

    Me:  The Lions

    Random Idiot:  What do you think about (insert NFL player, rule or game here)

    Me:  I don't know.  I don't watch Pro Football.

    Random Idiot:  What?  Why?

    Me:  I just told you!  I'm I Lions fan!

    THIS IS WHAT I PICTURE THE "RANDOM IDIOT" IN THIS SCENARIO LOOKING LIKE

    NOTICE THAT HE IS A COLTS FANS.  MOST COLTS FANS ARE IDIOTS.  I LIVED IN INDIANA FOR 5 YEARS.  TRUST ME ON THIS.

    You see, since the Lions have always.....how can I put this delicatly?....Sucked in the past, it was just too painfull to turn the TV on Sunday.  BUT, I've never rooted for another team.  I was so dedicated to the Lions that I would rather give up on the sport than choose another team to follow.

    That is why I say, I am NOT a band wagon Lions fan.  I'm a band wagon NFL fan!  And I think that a lot of people out there are in the same boat.

    -Parker

  • I'll be giving the night shift a fresh coat of paint starting Monday!

    Posted by Parker

    Hopefully you'll have a chance to check out Parker's Wild Ride (7pm-Midnight) next week.  I'll be making a couple changes to juice things up a little.  The most notable of which will be the return of Parkers Picks.  At 8pm every weeknight I'll throw in a couple tunes that are NOT in regular rotation at the Q.  This could mean new stuff that you have not heard yet.  It could also mean older stuff that just doesn't get played anymore for whatever reason.  Sometimes it will be heavier, sometimes it will be comical....the point is it will be something different EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!

    Just so we are clear...Parker's Picks are NOT Pics of Parker.  THESE are Pics of Parker:

    I hope you have a chance to check it out.  Go Tigers!  Go Lions! And have a great weekend!

    -Parker

  • Quick Midget Comedy

    Posted by Parker

    I can not tell a lie.  I just didn't have much time today, but I still wanted to get SOMETHING up for you guys. So this blog will consist of nothing more than a funny picture I saw floating around the internet today.

  • Lions Fans Deserve Mobile Strippers (For Once)

    Posted by Parker

    FINALLY the Lions look good!  People are proud!  People are celebrating! People are stripping for money!  A place called the Booty Lounge is a mobile stripclub on a bus.  It has been seen every week at popular Lions tailgate areas.  I think this is awesome.  Lions fans deserve it!  So what does the city do?  Shut it down.  Just because they don't have a "License"

    http://www.clickondetroit.com/video/29281285/index.html

  • Why Robot Boxing is AWESOME!!!

    Posted by Parker

    Robot boxing is awesome because it is robots.......boxing.  What more could you want??  Everything else that has combined robots and boxing has been awesome!  For instance:

    How can you deny the total bliss of boxing against your siblings using robots in your basement?  Screw Hungry Hungry Hippos!!!  Rock Em' Sock Em Robots were legit!  Not convinced?  Fine how about this:

    "Arena" was a movie from back in the day that had a human boxing robots and aliens for fun and profit.  Not one word in that sentence sucks.  Want a third example?  Sure.  Why not?

    Robot Jocks was about GIANT robots fighting each other.  Many humans died.  It was glorious!  Those are pretty much the only times robots and boxing have been put together.  But they were all AWESOME!!  That's why I'm excited for "Reel Steel" to hit theatres.  Sure, everybody else on the planet thinks it's going to be stupid.  But what do they know?

  • Parkers True Hollywood Stories: DJ Qualls

    Posted by Parker

    When I was living in Los Angeles I spent a ton of time in karaoke bars.  Why?  Because 90% of the time there was a bachelorette party there and girls in L.A. are all killer hot.  Plus they serve booze.  Do the math.  One night I was at a place in the valley with a group of friends.  They all decided to head to some dudes apartment for a while.  I was hitting on a chick at the bar and didn't feel like ditching that to sit in an apartment with a bunch of dudes so I stayed behind. (It worked out by the way.  The same chick was with me in my Corey Feldman story)

    When they came back to pick me up they brought DJ Qualls with them.  Who the hell is that?  He's this guy:

    The strange skinny dude from Road Trip and The New Guy.  Apparently he's pretty tight with one of the dudes I was hanging out with and they had all been getting high at the guys apartment.  DJ immediatly offered to buy me and everyone else a round saying "I'm rich.  I can afford it"  I remember this because I thought to myself "How rich can you be?  Until you introduced yourself I didn't even know what your name was."

    He kept buying rounds, and eventually started telling us stories.  First he says that he's gay.  This I can believe.  Then he tells us he has hooked up with famous closeted celebrities such as Colin Farrell and Christian Bale.  This I did NOT believe.  Even if those guys WERE gay, I doubt they would be seeking out this dude for hot gay action.  (Side note:  I think it is hilarious that after that last sentence my blog will probably come up in a google search for the term "Hot Gay Action")

    I'll pause at this point in the story to clear something up.  I know that your first thought when I said he was gay is that he was buying drinks to hit on us.  I'm pretty sure that was not the case.  Not every gay dude is trying to hit on you.  Even if he was I would have been cool with it because chicks have guys they never plan on sleeping with buy them drinks all the time.  Why shouldn't I get free drinks from some poor sucker the same way?

    You may also be asking "Did he sing?  It was a karaoke bar after all."  He did.  Sadly I was outside making out with the chick when it happened so I have no idea what he sang.

    I never saw him again after that.  Maybe he died.  Who knows?

  • So what if Facebook is free? I still want to complain about it!

    Posted by Parker

    Does everybody need to chill about the new facebook.......no.  No they do not.  I'm pretty sure that this is America and we are expected to bitch about everything.  ESPECIALLY if it is free.  I can think of at least one other thing that people complain about even though it's free.

    And why shouldn't they?  Just because something is free does not mean that they have zero responsibility to the people that enjoy using it on a daily basis.  In fact, here is a list of things that you should complain about even though they are free:

    -The T-shirt you got for filling out that credit app in East Lansing during welcome week only came in medium.  (Some would argue that since you had to give them information it was not free, but we both know you gave them a fake name anyway)

    -The pamphlet that crazy religious guy downtown gave you which states everything you did today will send you to hell.

    You're all gonna die! HAHAHAHAHA!

    -The Brad Penny bobblehead you got at Comerica Park on Free Bobblehead day.

    -The sample cheese cube you ate at the store. (Why do they make the used toothpick container EXACTLY the same as the unused container?  Once both are about half full nobody can tell the difference)

    -This Blog

    -Those weird pieces of halloween candy in your kids bag with the black or orange wrappers that don't say what they are.  (WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE THINGS?)

    -The cookies that your senile grandma made for you using salt instead of sugar.

    And of course, it's cool to complain about people complaining about facebook. (This blog is actually a person complaining about people complaining about people who complain about Facebook)

  • Hot Chick Mario

    Posted by Parker

    Have you ever tried searching for one thing on Google and gotten something totally different?  Of course you have.  I was on a web page about video games that had a picture of a smoking hot chick dressed like Mario.  Like any normal sane person, my first thought was "How many pictures of hot chicks dressed like Mario could there possibly be on the internet?"

    I did a google image search for "hot chick mario"  The first image was sort of what I had in mind:

    Why are they in the bathroom?  THAT"S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

     

    The rest were not:

     

    Sure, his name is "mario" so I guess that is why it came up.  But this:

     

    Who is Scott Dietlin?  What is his connection to hot chicks?  What is his connection to Mario?  The world may never know.

  • Parker's True Hollywood Stories: Dave Grohl

    Posted by Parker

    Having lived in L.A. for a while I've met a lot of "celebrities"  Only once have I ever tried to fight one.  Since the Foo Fighters just had a kick ass show at the Palace, I thought I would share my Dave Grohl story.  This actually happened here in Michigan 8 or 9 years ago.  I was waaaaaasted.  (Most of my best stories start with these three words)

    I was at the show with my girlfriend at the time and we had passes to chill with the band afterwards.  I was sitting on a couch in the green room staring at the wall and slipping in and out of consciousness when Taylor Hawkins sat down next to me.  He said "Hi" and I mumbled something back.  Then I noticed that Dave Grohl was on the other side of the room talking and laughing and having a great time with my girlfriend.  In my drunken haze I assumed that Dave Grohl was hitting on her and yelled at Taylor "HEY!!!  WHAT THE @#$% MAN!!  THAT'S NOT COOL"  He told me they grew up in the same town and were just talking about old places and people they both knew.

    I wasn't buying it.  I stumbled up to Dave who (while chomping his trademark gum) said "Hey man!  What's up?  I'm Dave."  I said something to the effect of "I know who the @#$% you are!  What the hell is going on?"  Then there was a bunch of back and forth with him and my girlfriend trying to calm me down and me yelling obscenities at the nicest guy in rock and roll.

    Eventually I got pulled out of the room.  As you probably guessed by now, Dave Grohl was NOT hitting on my girlfriend.  In fact he was really cool about the whole thing.  I, on the other hand, had the chance to meet and hang with one of the coolest dudes on the planet and instead decided to scream at him in a drunken fog.

     

  • Nic Cage is a vampire!

    Posted by Parker

    Is Nic Cage a vampire?  He did own a castle (Until the tax man came).

     

    On the left:  Nic Cage.  On the right: an unidentified guy from the civil war era.  Some dude is selling the "vampire" photo on ebay claiming that it IS Nicolas Cage and he is in fact the living dead.  Do they both look alike?  Yes.  Are they both wearing bow ties.  You bet.  Is Nicolas Cage a vampire?  Probably, but that does not mean this is a photo of him.

  • Who the Hell is Parker?

    Posted by Parker

    Yo!  I'm Parker.  The new blood at The Q.  This is my first time ever blogging.  I figured if robots are running triathlons in hawaii (seriously. It was in the news today), then I suppose it's about time I wrote a blog on Ye Olde internet.

    This blog will pretty much be an extension of the show.  If I have thoughts or info on something that I just don't have time to share fully on the air, you will find them here.  The secret word is "pump".  That last sentance will only make sense if you are listening at a very specific point in the show tonight.  While I'm just tossing out off topic things I should let you know that very few things in this blog will be spelled correctly.

    So.  Who am I?  Since we are about three paragraphs in and the title of this blog entry is "Who the Hell is Parker?" I suppose I should address it.  I'm a Lansing native.  Born at St. Lawrence, graduate of Lansing Eastern (Go Quakers).  In the early 2000s I worked at a number of Lansing stations all over the dial.  Including Q106.  I left the mitten in 2005 and made stops in Indiana and Los Angeles before landing back here in Lansing a month or two ago.  I think that is plenty of info for now.  I know that if I saw more than three paragraphs when I opened a blog I would be like "Efff a whole lot of this!!" and not read it.  So I'll end this entry by saying it's great to be back home!