Parker's Wild Blog!

  • Jon Bon Jovi Sings a Christmas Song to....R2-D2?

    Posted by Parker

    Before he hit it big, Jon Bon Jovi had some pretty killer gigs.  For example, this is an old recording from a Star Wars Christmas album.  It features Jon along with some random children wishing everybodys favorite droid a Merry Christmas.  Since I am a pretty big dork, I love both Bon Jovi AND Star Wars.  So this is pretty epic.

    -Parker

  • Merry Christm......Hey Wait a Second. Is That a Goat?

    Posted by Parker

    Found this on the good ol' interweb today.  Mac-D and I had an arguement over whether or not the goat was photoshopped in.  I say it's real.  He thinks it looks fake.  What so you think?  Either way, anything involving a goat is instant comedy in my humble opinion.

    -Parker

  • I Present to You: The Louis Vuitton Condom

    Posted by Parker

    Yeah....so this exists.  What chick wouldn't want her privates graced by a Louis Vuitton condom?  I think that if you roll with these in your wallet your sitting on a sure thing.  The downside?  They cost 68 bucks a pop (pun intended)

    BUT check this out.  Why not pull the ol' switcheroo?  Flash the Louis Vuitton at the bar and switch it for the brand x condom when you get home.  It will be dark.  You will still have the expensive stuff for another day and this chick will think she is being treated like Paris Hilton.  She'll never know.  Plus she deserves no better than Durex for being that materialistic in the first place.  Win/Win.

    -Parker

  • This Tattoo Looks Like Crap!

    Posted by Parker

    This has been making the internet rounds for a week or two now, but I thought I would share with those who missed it.

    A Guy in Dayton OH found out that his Ex had cheated on him with a buddy while they were together.  Instead of telling her that he knew, he invited her in to his tattoo shop to get a back piece done.  She said she wanted a "Scene from Narnia"  This is what she got:

    She is now suing him for 100K.  Lucky for the guy though, he had her sign an agreement that the design was at the "artists discression"  Therefore she gets NOTHING.  In my opinion she deserves what she got.  There are not nearly enough stories about CHICKS who cheat getting revenged upon.  Take that wench!

    -Parker 

  • The Muppet Movie. It's Cool to Get Excited.

    Posted by Parker

    I'm a 31 year old guy.  Most of my friends are also guys around the same age.  I think it's pretty awesome that anytime I bring up the fact that I want to see The Muppet Movie (with a hint of shame in my voice) They always respond with "Hell Yeah!  I can't wait!"  They then start listing their favorite muppets that they hope get some good screen time. (Mine are Beaker, The Swedish Chef and the entire Electric Mayhem Band)

    Nobody is too cool/old/manly for the muppets.  And that's pretty amazing.  There are not many things that people across the board never outgrow.  It's fun when something like that comes along.  It almost makes me think humanity has a chance.  Almost.

    -Parker

  • Bacon Lube!!!

    Posted by Parker

    Have you ever wanted your junk to smell like bacon?  Me either!  We have something in common.  But if you are into fat chicks and want to lure them in, you may want to try oiling up with Bacon Lube.

    It's a REAL product and costs about 12 bucks a bottle.  Just keep in mind that if your lady loves bacon so much that she wants you to pick some of this stuff up, even if she is thin as a rail now, she's likely to be buried in a piano crate.

    If you still want to pick some up (even after all my warnings) Here is the website.  http://store.baconsalt.com/baconlube_p_60.html  Here piggy piggy piggy!

     

    -Parker

  • PETA Attacks Super Mario for Wearing Animal Skins

    Posted by Parker

    I don't know about you.  But I feel that PETA is insane.  Don't get me wrong.  I like animals as much as the next guy.  You should be nice to them.  These PETA guys take it a little far though.  Using hot chicks dressed in lettuce to make me stop eating meat is a little.....stupid.  You see these four pointy canine teeth in my mouth?  Those are for tearing meat.  And I like using them for their intended purpose.

    PETA's latest insane attention grab is an attack on Super Mario.  They claim that since he can wear a Tanooki(Raccoon) suit, he must have killed a Tanooki and skinned it.  They even created a flash game that has you playing as a skinned Tanooki trying to chase down Mario and get your pelt back.

    Now, to get a little technical for a second, I'm pretty sure that Mario's suit is magical and no animals were killed for him to aquire it.  ALSO IT'S A %&$ING VIDEO GAME!!!

    Here is a link to the PETA site that has the game:  http://features.peta.org/mario-kills-tanooki/

    Every time PETA does something like this I make sure to eat meat from at least 3 different animals that day just to piss them off.  Please feel free to join my protest.

    -Parker

  • Joe Paterno Fired. Effective immediatly!

    Posted by Parker

    Late tonight (Wed) Joe Pa recieved a phone call informing him that he was no longer the head coach of Penn State.  Earlier today he had announced that he would retire at the end of the season, but that was not soon enough for the powers that be.

    Defensive coordinator Tom Bradley will serve as interim coach.  Was this something they needed to do?  Does it make a bad situation worse?  Let me know what you think.

    -Parker

  • This Robot Serves Drinks! Thank You Future!

    Posted by Parker

    I love robots like fat chicks love pictures of cats hanging from tree branches that say "hang in there".  Pretty much any video on the internet involving robots doing people things makes me happy.  I am particularly interested in the Asimo Robot.  They have a new one now and it can run and jump around PLUS serve you drinks!

    I can't wait until every house has a robot butler.  Mine is going to be named Dave.  Are the robots going to take all our jobs?  Probably.  Are the robots eventually going to take over the world and enslave their human masters like in the Terminator movies?  Count on it!  But for some reason I still love the little bastards.  Check out this video of Asimo (Dave) doing his thing.

    -Parker