Parker's Wild Blog!

  • The Worst Toys Ever!

    Posted by Parker

    Here are a bunch of awful toys I found on the internet.  For those of you that want to get back at your kids for...whatever.  I'm sure they did something.

    -Parker

    1)

    Here you go little girl!  A scary monster you can drive!  Plus you get to sit in his brain.  Fun!

    2)

    I'm pretty sure I would not even understand this thing in english.

    3)

    With interlocking parts!

     

    4)

    Remember, have your parents wash the dog anus after each use.

     

    5)

    Awwww man, I was the meat from Rocky last time!!!  I wanna be Paulie's Robot!

     

    6)

    BFF's

     

    7)

    Let's pretend to wait in line at the airport!  Yeeeeeaaahhh!

    8)

     

    The most fun thing about a Spider-man toy is making him do average things.

     

    9)

    Take that Decepticons!  I'm........a shoe.

    10)

    Would you care for some cool refreshing flesh?  Why thank you!

  • Random Hot Chicks 12/15/2011

    Posted by Parker

    Since the random hot chick formula seems to be a success, I have decided to make it a daily thing on my blog.  Now with Captions!

    -Parker

    1)

    Reverse clevage is the best invention EVER!

    2)

    Everybody loves the troops.

     

    3)

    This chick is hot because she will put her tongue on anything.  ANYTHING!

    4)

    Whatcha got there?

    5)

    There is actually an entire website dedicated to hot chicks putting their fists in their mouths.  Thank you internet!

    6)

    Best threesome ever!

  • This Is How a Kid Reacts To Getting a Raw Hotdog For Christmas.

    Posted by Parker

    Jimmy Kimmel is sort of a genius.  If you missed this bit when it aired, you have to check it out.  It's parents giving their kids crappy gifts to see how they react.  I normally think kid videos are stupid.  But MESSING with kids is comedy gold.

    -Parker

  • Here Are 7 Hot Chicks....Sort Of.

    Posted by Parker

    The good news?  Here are 7 hot chicks for you to check out.  The bad news?  One of them is actually a dude.  See if you can guess which one.  The answer will be at the bottom.

    1)

    2)

    3)

    4)

    5)

    6)

    7)

    Did you guess?  Scroll down for the answer:

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    #3 was a dude.  Don't believe me?  Check this out: http://www.iheartchaos.com/post/14222991957/this-sexy-push-up-bra-model-is-a-man-baby

  • Bret Michaels Has a New Clothing Line in 2012....For Dogs. No. Really.

    Posted by Parker

    Have you ever looked at your pet and said: "I sure do love Sparky, but I wish that he dressed like Bret Michaels"?  Then my friend, today is your lucky day!

    Bret Michaels is teaming up with PetSmart to create the "Pets Rock" collection to be revealed in summer of 2012.  This follows other similar lines from PetSmart by Martha Stewart and GNC. (GNC?  Protein shakes for dogs?) 

    "As a dedicated pet owner myself, this is a natural partnership for me, and I can't wait to unveil the collection,” the singer said. “I know my own pets rock, and I wanted to design a line of pet products every bit as fun and cool as they are."

    "This would be far less embarassing if I had a Bret Michaels brand leather jacket and cowbow hat."

    My personal opinion is that you should not dress up your pets.  Your pet hates it.  Are you really crazy enough to think that a dog who is fine with taking a dump in the front yard while the neighbors watch cares if he is wearing name brand gear while he does it?

    -Parker

     

  • Cheese Heads Think Their State is Shaped Like a Mitten? WTF?

    Posted by Parker

    Every Michigander knows that cheese heads wish they were from the mitten.  Must have something to do with the fact that we got the U.P.  Over the last couple days I have seen more than a few things popping up on facebook saying that they think THEIR state is shaped like a mitten.  That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.  Exhibit A:

    I think it looks more like this:

    BUT if they HAVE to believe that their state is shaped like something cool, I suppose this is pretty close:

    Ackbar 4 life!

    -Parker

  • Lindsay Lohan's Leaked Playboy Pics. You KNOW You Wanna Look.

    Posted by Parker

    Is she a crack head  Duh!  Of course she is!  Do I still want to see here naked?  Duh!  Of course I do.  The knowledge that she does hardcore drugs does not in any way change the fact that she is a somewhat attractive chick not wearing clothing. 

    I do disagree with the choice of theme though.  Doing a chick up like Marilyn has been done to death.  Plus I prefer red heads.  I would rather see her with red hair and no make-up with a needle sticking out of her arm than airbrushed to look like an old school pin-up girl.  But thats just me I guess.

    -Parker

  • We Have to Buy Women Stuff on OUR Special Days now?

    Posted by Parker

    Yesterday I saw a jewelery commercial.  There was a guy in his late 30s/early 40s who went back to school and got his degree.  At the graduation he gives his WIFE a diamond necklace!  How is this OK?  This is insulting to both men and women.  I'll explain my case for both.

    INSULTING TO MEN:  I think this one is obvious, but I'll go ahead and say it anyway.  It's this guys special day.  What's next?  Do we need to give women diamonds on OUR birthday next year?  How about some nice emeralds for Fathers day?  Plus, this dude just went back to school.  Where is the money for this necklace coming from?

    INSULTING TO WOMEN:  Most women have pushed for equality of the sexes at some point in their life. (that point is not usually when it's time to pay for drinks at the bar, but that's an argument for another day)  So let's flip this around.  How about a commercial that implies a woman is graduating after going back to school.  At HER graduation she gives her husband a new xbox.  Chicks would be pissed at this commercial.  Not to mention the fact that it makes no sense.

    "Hey Honey!  I just finished 12 hours of law school exams and decided to pick you up an xbox to celebrate all my hard work!"  You are more likely to have a unicorn in your garage than to see this happen.

    I tried to find the video on youtube but had no luck.  But trust me, it exists.  And it's sending humanity back a few steps in social progress.

    -Parker

  • This Guy Synched His Christmas Lights to "South of Heaven" by Slayer!

    Posted by Parker

    I bet that you have seen 1,000 lame videos of people who put their christmas lights to music.  BUT, have you seen them put to Slayer?  This guy did.  Plus the video starts with him at Dio's grave.  Then his snowman starts singing.  He is awesome.  Recognize!

    -Parker